There remains a lot to look forward to in the future. I’m still planning new business ventures, meeting new friends, planning and creating memories with my family and most of all continuing to learn. For me the learning is not just focused on acquiring professional knowledge. That never ends. There is always some new approach or concept about people and how we behave to read about, or some new situation or challenge in the workplace that catches my attention. However, some of the most universal learning for me comes from developing my skills in sailing and music, two pursuits that bring me a lot of joy and pleasure, along with pain sometimes.

As I am still rehabbing my “sailing elbow”, I’ll offer more thoughts about the impact of sailing in a future post. Focusing on music, I have always been a big fan of rock drums and have followed various drummers throughout their careers since my early teens. John Bonham and Steve Gadd were a couple of my icons, Regrettably, although I saw Gadd a few times, I never got to see Zeppelin play live. At rock concerts, I was one of those few in the crowd to jump up and applaud after a killer drum solo.

I learned a lesson when I was persuaded by a friend to take up playing the drums 2 ½ years ago. We were at a break at a Steely Dan concert talking about music and I was lamenting that I had never learned to play drums, even though I have been a huge fan of the instrument. His message was simple, “why not start now?” So I did. He plays bass guitar and as it turns out, he started playing bass around the middle of his life as well. A few drum lessons were followed by practice sessions in my garage, where we have since added some other players and now can proudly call ourselves a garage band.

Here’s the kicker, so to speak. The real lesson was that learning something new and fun remains a humbling experience. My ego is continually challenged when I can’t play a beat or a drum fill in the way I hear it on the recording. I had to accept the fact that I was incompetent and that I would fail a lot – until I didn’t. For a while it would have been easier to stop. I am improving (so my band mates tell me). Still, learning is not easy, despite the rewards. Professionally I am continually working to persuade people to learn new skills and develop new habits, and my journey to learn to play drums is a useful reminder of how demanding learning can be, especially for adults.

My bass player friend that inspired me to learn got me tapped into the joy and benefits I could receive by investing the practice time and applying real effort. Most importantly he was patient and realized that I had to start when I was ready and at my level of ability. Despite the perceived benefits, an attractive goal or objective can best be reached when we are willing to accept that fact that quick successes are not always realistic when the desired change is significant. As each of us marches (or plays) to our own drummer, if we can be patient and keep our ego from getting in our way, we have a much better chance of leveraging the learning.

Although training and coaching can be effective when people are highly motivated, one of the most powerful and effective approaches to influencing others to change their behavior is to model it yourself. This works at an individual and organizational level. The adage is definitely true that actions speak louder than words. People respond (learn) at a more visceral level by what they observe.

Modeling is double-edged. It may also have an undesired affect if our actions are incongruent with what we say or claim to be important. This type of incongruency might be considered hypocrisy by others and can actually destroy what we are trying to accomplish. Being more self-aware would help dramatically.

Despite positive intent and the best ideas for ourselves and others, we fail as leaders, managers, supervisors, peers, friends, parents, spouses, partners, etc. when we are not careful in avoiding hypocritical behavior. Hypocrite may sound like a strong word, that we are reluctant to attach to ourselves or others, but it may be the appropriate word.

Hypocrisy is more than just annoying. When the stakes are high it impacts the degree to which we trust each other and our institutions. When a manager says it’s important that the team supports each other, and then that same manager bad mouths one member behind the back of another – that’s hypocrisy and that’s a problem.

Our good ideas are usually not enough to influence and lead others in the direction we want them to go. The best ideas and intent are meaningless when we as individuals or as organizations act hypocritically. The result can even be a setback in credibility and trust that can take a long time to recover from, if at all. Unfortunately there are daily and high profile, examples of hypocritical behavior from politicians, business leaders, sports figures, etc. Let’s use these examples as reminders of what not to do.

I believe that sometimes we focus too much on what we think, our positive intentions, and not enough on what we do, our contradictory behavior. How do we act like a hypocrite at work or at home? Are we not getting the results we want or the relationships we want because our behavior contradicts what we say is important?

Yes, modeling can be very powerful. Beware and be careful.