Typically, if we start on what we want to “fix” first, our fight or flight response is triggered and that leads us to behave defensively, or we quickly find excuses to avoid the effort. We get uncomfortable and we are less open to feedback, and soon lose commitment to making the change. Coaches can help the personal change process by helping to identify the positive reasons for making the change and building on personal strengths in order to achieve some small wins. Once those small wins are achieved, motivation can build, along with a desire to then address weaknesses.

Good leaders are good coaches. They create trust, not fear, and help those they lead find positive, personal reasons to move toward change. This approach is much more effective, particularly as an early change strategy, than demanding quick fixes to personal weaknesses. However, it also takes time and patience to achieve real results. The process starts with a leader’s recognizing and understanding the level of readiness of the individual being coached. By starting where they need and want to begin, the coaching effort can be much more productive for both parties.

For all of the potential benefits to good coaching, there can be an unforeseen challenge to incorporating it as a management practice in the workplace. That is, everyone may not view coaching as a positive. I was reminded of this recently while working with a client and discussing the topic of performance management and the supportive role of coaching. I asked about the word “coaching” and how it was viewed in their organization and I was told that the word has a negative connotation for some because it is associated with problem performance. We are shaped by our experience.

The idea of being coached can be viewed as a positive or negative based on influential experiences, some beginning at an early age. A close family member had a high school sports coach who would pull each and every player out of the game right after they made a mistake. They were then derided and made to sit on the bench and reflect on what they did wrong. Conversely, when they did something right, it was ignored and taken for granted by the coach. Consequently, whatever growth and improvement occurred for the various team members happened very slowly, if at all, because the level of fear and lack of trust that existed kept morale and motivation low. I can’t help but wonder how those individual players will view and respond to coaching by their managers when they eventually enter the workforce.

Leaders, even with positive intentions, may want to accept the fact that viewpoints can differ regarding coaching. The potential impact of the language and labels leaders use and take for granted, may not always be understood. Even a helpful word (to me) like “coaching” may trigger a negative response even before it begins.